My life is spinning around me and I feel like I have no control over it. So many things are happening and its making me dizzy.

The last two weeks have been occupied by report writing. I thought I would never have to stay up late again finishing an assignment now that I have started full time work. But I was wrong. I was up late till 2am finishing reports... 400 comments and progression points. At first I thought it wouldn't take so long as I could cut and paste some of the comments for each grade... but i realised that it was even worse than just writing separate comments for a whole class. I still had to change all the pronouns and students' names for each one. And then I had to proof read all of them to make sure I hadn't accidentally put the wrong name or wrong pronoun.

On top of reports, I was and still am in the process of applying for jobs next year. There has been a lot of talk of positions vacant at my school for classroom teachers, which is what I ideally want to do. It was just confirmed on Friday that there are 3 positions up for grabs. My colleagues have encouraged me to apply saying I would have a good chance. But having worked there for a while now, I'm not so sure I want to continue working there. I won't go into details but let's just say that school politics is something that I didn't expect. But then on the other hand, I have bonded with all the students and have just recently made friends with a few of the teachers. To leave them behind would be really sad... but like I've been told, I need to think of what's best for me at this point. I need to look after myself because no one else will.

So because I am unsure of continuing at the school, I've had to think of all my options for next year. If I don't get another job, should I just stick to CRT? Or should I decide to go interstate? Or maybe overseas? And there is the possibility of going to the country.

A lot of my friends/colleagues have been getting jobs for next year. I'm happy for them... but at the same time, I often question what I'm doing wrong. Why is it that I can't get any interviews? I don't know what I'm doing or saying wrong in my applications but there just don't seem to be attracting attention. I gave my application to a colleague to have a look at and he told me that I wasn't selling myself enough. He said I needed to be more confident. Yeah, story of my life. I struggle in the area of confidence and I don't know how to improve it.

So in between work stuff, there have been many social events that I have been invited to, many of which I had turn down because I'm just too exhausted from work. I haven't been eating or sleeping very well lately and that's taken its toll on me. A lot of people have commented on how much weight I've lost. No, I'm not on a diet... but been so busy at work, I don't have the chance to sit down and have a decent meal. I often skip breakfast because I wake up too late. At recess or lunchtime, I'm busy helping students, going to meetings, preparing for lessons etc. But I need to start eating better because I feel weak and tired all the time. Luckily I have my kids to get me through the day.

Other reasons for not going to social events is because I usually have school related events. For example, the Grade 6 graduation ceremony and disco is coming up. On the same night, I was invited to a Swarovski work dinner and an end of exam party with Flare peeps. But my commitment lies with the school as I told them I would help out ages ago. Plus I really want to be there for my Grade 6's who are an amazing group of kids and have told me I have to go. Knowing I won't see them anymore after this year, I want to be there for them as much as possible. Have I told you I LURVE my students?? :D

my thoughts @ 11:59 AM

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