*sigh... maybe teaching isn't the right path for me after all...

I took my first professional day of teaching today. The first day where I was in complete control. Where I planned everything myself. Where I was in charge of 10 children. Where I had to set up communication books and boards for the parents. It was MY kinder program. And I was excited.

And everything was going great... until the children arrived.

I sat them down in a circle and after about 5 mins... they started to test their boundaries. I was constently telling them to sit properly... to come back to the floor... to use their quiet voices inside... not to run inside... to look after each other... to take turns... to use their words... to find something to do... it was exhausting! I think I might lose my voice after this week.

Then the day just got worse. It wasn't only the children that got me frustrated... but the staff as well. The director is great.. very supportive... but she needs to follow through with her words. She's always telling me to yell out for help if I need it... or that she'll get resources for me when I need them... she'll make sure things are set up for my activities because I don't know where everything is kept... but did she do any of that today? No. I had to bascially call out to her every 5 minutes asking her where things were... asking if she had the egg cartons that she said she would have for me... asking her whether they had more paintbrushes... whether I could use the board to stick things on etc. I felt so disorganised which meant the children had to sit there waiting for me to get the materials. And trust me, 4-5 year olds don't like to wait.

So the day went from bad to worse. Activities weren't set up properly therefore not appealing to the children... then the children didn't listen to me... the staff didn't seem interested in getting to know me... the children were bored and therefore misbehaving... i felt so frustrated with myself that I couldn't even control 10 children in a 3 hour program. *sigh

I came home feeling very disheartened and unmotivated, definitely not wanting to return the next day. I am disappointed in myself. And frustrated too. *sigh.. maybe I just need to sleep it off... tomorrow is a new day...

my thoughts @ 11:34 PM

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